It's pretty much impossible to believe that this time last year, about 5 hours from now, Hana came into the world a mere tiny 6 pounds and a few ounces. I recall her being unusually alert for a newborn. She didn't seem to sleep much the first few days, because there was just too much to look at and take in. From the start, she was gobbling down milk like crazy. She gave us a run for our money with the colic for the first 3 months. Practically from the start, she was a little ball of energy - kicking her legs (even at night while sleeping) and trying to sit up and crawl and move weeks before she actually had the motor skills to do so.
She has changed so much, and yet, the core of her personality has been there all along. It turns out, the alertness was not just a newborn phenomenon. She is just in love with the world around her. Everything is interesting and captures her attention...until the next thing comes along and grabs her. She continues to be a good eater. Her favorite food is cheese. The colic, fortunately, was not a personality trait - PHEW. But the energy remains. As an example, today I left her in the living room for 10 seconds. 15 tops. When I returned, she was standing on top of the table!!! To be fair, it was the kids' table from her table and chair set, but still...this girl is a mover and a shaker and a climber.
Even her physical characteristics have come full circle. She was long and skinny then, and she is long and skinny now. In between, she was quite the pudge ball. She had a lot of hair when she was born, then it thinned out and fell out, and now she's got another full head of hair. The only difference is it's very blond, and it was dark at birth. Her eyes stayed blue.
Pete and I were congratulating ourselves tonight for keeping her alive for 1 year. It's quite a feat in this day and age, when it seems that the logistics of meeting an infant's survival needs are a little bit insane, what with the pumping, trying every bottle under the sun until you find the one that the baby will drink out of, working so you can pay the bills, finding child care, trying to prepare food that's not full of synthetic chemicals and pesticides...but we did it.
And to be perfectly frank, I'm exhausted. Parenthood is filled with many joyful moments and events. Sleep is not one of the perks. It's weird - Hana is a great sleeper, all things considered. I never have to get up in the middle of the night with her (knock on wood). If she does wake up, she whimpers herself back to sleep. So why am I so tired?
I've pondered this a great deal. I think there are two reasons. First, even though she doesn't wake up in the middle of the night, I STILL DO. (grumble) A fair amount. And it's not uncommon that I have trouble falling back to sleep. I think it's habit, from night feeding (and when I hear her whimpering or rustling on the monitor, I wake up). Second, I have literally not slept past 6:30 am in months, and usually I'm up by 5:30 or 6. It's not really even that early. But if my natural wake time would be 7 am or so, that's about an hour every day that I'm losing, and I don't get to make it up on the weekends. Naps help when I can get them, but it's just not the same as a long uninterrupted stretch of sleep.
OK, enough of the complaining, because in the big scheme of things, we are the luckiest parents on earth. Hana is a happy, spirited, loving child and we look forward to each new day with her.